Well it just has!

Colin received a letter last Wed inviting him for a 8:30 a.m. appointment in Ophthalmology tomorrow! As we don't have any idea what is really causing Colin's sight problems it is an opportunity that we are taking up. So many people say about his sight loss that it is the brain. Well maybe it is, but there is no hard evidence to prove it I'm afraid, and as we've said before, just because Colin has a lymphoma in the brain does not mean he hasn't got something else as well! It is too easy for other things to be dismissed - that seems to be the way the medical profession deals with everything, covering up all symptoms regardless of their cause. Grrrr!

This is going to be a tremendous ordeal both for Colin and me tomorrow. If he gets anxious, which is extremely likely, he will probably be shouting the place down by 8:40! The appointment could last up to an hour and a half, so there are likely to be a lot of unhappy people in the waiting room, which at the best of times is like a bear garden. If at the end of it we know what can be seen in the eyes (if anything) and if there is nothing that can be done, well so be it. At least we shall know. But we have to try. The worse thing (or maybe not?) is that Colin is drowsy and can't keep his eyes open for examination - that would be a total waste of time and energy.

Why has it got worse? Well someone drove into me on Saturday morning so I have that to deal with as well. Thanks!! Just what I needed!

Jane.

Many years ago - well about 40! - the above saying was brought to my attention when studying Caesar in Latin class at school. It is a phrase that has stuck with me all those years (no idea why). How little I knew then, that in the distant future this was to be such a poignant phrase. This time last year - yes it is a whole year - was when Colin was taken into Worcester hospital following, as we subsequently found out, the second return of his Primary CNS Lymphoma. Since then Colin's 'home' as either been a hospital or a nursing home. It is awful to think of it. I certainly didn't think that I would be here a year later still writing about Colin's life! Life such that it is, with not being able to walk or see, and unable to do anything really for himself. He really hates the situation at the times when he is aware of it.

This week has seen a turn to more Spring-like weather but that hasn't given me any joy because I just look out onto the day and wish that we were able to go for a walk to enjoy the outdoors together again. We were glad that one of Colin's old friends and colleagues visited Saturday afternoon and was able and willing to take Colin outside in the wheelchair. So we sat in the garden for some time enjoying the warmer air and listening to the birds - it has been some considerable time since Colin has been outdoors. Such an event needs advanced planning however as this requires two carers and a hoist - the availability of which can be limited!

So, how much better it is to spend the day talking with friends, being entertained by their stories, or their reading of literature of all kinds, than sitting or lying alone in the dark with only the mind to occupy one with negative, depressing thoughts.

Jane.